Maryland state delegate Emmett C. Burns, Jr. was apparently so upset by Baltimore Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo’s public endorsement of marriage equality (in a YouTube video that I’ve included below) that he wrote an angry letter to Steve Bisciotti, the team’s owner, demanding that the NFL franchise reprimand him:
“I am requesting that you take the necessary action, as a National Football League Owner, to inhibit such expressions from your employees and that he be ordered to cease and desist such injurious actions. I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing.”
Ayanbadejo refused to back down, and today, Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe came to his colleague’s defense in a hilarious, colorful open letter to Burns published on the sports site Deadspin. Here’s how he begins:
Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,
I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland’s state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):
1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should “inhibit such expressions from your employees,” more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person’s right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindf***ing obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
Head over to Deadspin to read the rest. It’s well worth it. If, like me, you found yourself cheering in approval as you read the excerpt above, you’re in for a treat — Kluwe’s letter just gets better from there.