The Lord moves in mysterious ways, sometimes even sort of straight up and down with a firm grip mellowed by a little dab of Lubriderm.
He suggests that the two big stories of the week, that of the arrest of anti-gay street preacher Grant Storms, for wanking in a van by a playground with kiddies nearby, and the fact that batsh*t “prophet” Janet Porter has scheduled a fetus to testify on an abortion bill in Ohio are indeed related, as Storms may have just been “doing the Lord’s Work, that is, spontaneously creating thousands of tiny little witnesses that he was going to take to the nearest Congressional committee to testify about the evils of abortion.”
One day maybe I will be like Thers.
Thinking along similar lines is General JC Christian of Jesus’ General, who suggests that Pastor Storms might be able to help out with the Ohio hearings:
I believe I can get Pastor Grant Storms to provide your committee with a billion newly-freed Spematazoan-American witnesses. You may have heard of him. He promotes the heterosexual lifestyle by going to playgrounds, whipping out his holy staff, and liberating his trapped Spermatazoan-American brothers onto the monkey bars.
I don’t think it has to be monkey bars. I bet he’d liberate them onto the witness table’s microphone if that’d be more convenient.