And by “bang,” I mean gay jokes and rape jokes.
Ha ha ha! Right?
First, we have the gay joke, via Media Matters:
Tucker Carlson’s new web site, The Daily Caller, launched today, featuring a column by The Weekly Standard‘s Matt Labash:
For those unfamiliar with me from my day job at The Weekly Standard, I’ll give you a capsule bio by way of introduction: I have the gift of wisdom. Does that sound arrogant? I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I didn’t choose wisdom. It chose me. If I had my druthers, I’d have chosen another gift, perhaps the untold riches of Lil’ Wayne, whose teeth are made of actual diamonds, or to be the sexiest man alive, like Rachel Maddow. But wisdom is what they gave me, so wisdom is all I have to give back to you.
Funny, isn’t it? No? Well, maybe you just don’t get it. ‘Cause, see, Rachel Maddow is gay. And so, according to Matt Labash, she’s really a man. Now do you get it? No? Neither do I.
If you thought that was funny, you’re really going to like the rape joke, from the same columnist:
Legalized rape. What’ that you say? Rape isn’t sanctioned in this country? Then you must not live in a city with red-light or speed cameras, where it happens every day. Forget for a second that in one-fourth of all automated ticket cases, the ticketed car owner wasn’t the one actually driving the vehicle at the time of the infraction (what other crime-fighting technology do we consider reliable that nabs the wrong person 25 percent of the time?) Just as heinous is that every year, more and more municipal governments pretend that they plant these all-seeing menaces in the interest of “safety.” Yet every year, their revenues tend to increase from the very same technology. Meaning that the only deterrent effect the technology has is deterring your government from being honest about raping its own citizenry. If you’re going to slide me a roofie, Government, at least take me to dinner and a movie first.
Wow, Tucker Carlson really cast a wide net for “talent,” didn’t he?
Here’s Spencer Ackerman’s reaction:
Yes, automated ticketing: exactly like rape, says douchey male writer. Oh and ha ha he called Rachel Maddow mannish. I can’t wait for Matt Labash’ next column about how stupid whores and the faggots that support them can’t take a joke. This is a wit that won’t quit!
Jesse Taylor’s reaction was pretty fabulous too.
Stay classy, Tucker!
(h/t Allison Kilkenny, who you really should be reading if you’re not)